Where Mind is Without Fear..

I am disturbed after meeting a guy who has been completely trapped by the societal pressure – to do something as a job. No doubt that Job Satisfaction is a mirage, that one chases to realise that it’s time to be practical right now, and lets be reasonable and do what people ‘generally’ do, however there are exceptions and they not only satisfied with their job, but create a landmark in their vocation may that be a Chemist in Lubrizol India Pvt. Ltd., Turbhe (my first organisation) or Vikas, waiter from Mohan Dhaba, Padhar. They are clear of their existence – what they ought to do and they just deliver it full-heartedly.

It’s a typical story – name is immaterial. S/he could be your sibling, neighbour, and friend. This scribbling is not faceless –just that put your known face onto it and read ahead. He chased to clear a prestigious entrance exam, took break for it. Not clearing it through amidst tough competition, unhappily opted for typical course and then passion of youth lost its way amidst ‘dreary desert sand of dead habits’.. He is one among million of students coming out of colleges, trying to find his groove. I can sense he has come out of closed structure of college and even tougher middle-class home – where parents have unloaded all their unfulfilled wishes onto him to complete it in the best possible way – by going through IIT, IIM, IAS, going to USA.. as if the initial years are spent in chasing these taglines, not realising what gives me adrenaline rush.. is it too much that expecting Ranchos to come out of our colleges is a myth – where one has to strive for excellence, so that success comes automatically. Living a healthy life with all aspects is a course not taught in any of these institutes. If one is lucky enough to come across one such teacher, elder person in life who leaves such ever-lasting touch of the subject with no defined syllabus – one course where everything happening around becomes a syllabus in itself, I decide my syllabus, exam, tutor and result as well!

At such extreme times, I become cynical and start blaming ‘system’. Everything that is undesirable and can’t be corrected by me directly, I tend to put all that shit on this hidden dragon called as system! But let me be a bit generalist and ask – how long such confused lots be coming out of universities, where on the other hand college dropouts Bill Gates and Marc Zuckerberg are founding the world class organisations in early twenties. We are happy to be IIT-IIM/Harvard/MIT educated and serving them till we retire! I get agitated by extra importance we have been giving to various taglines-starting from our surnames which depicts our feudal mindset, school, college, company, children’s degrees, their colleges, their jobs etc. my agitation is not out of anger and incapability of not having attended any of these institutes – which I might not have but how can that make me unfit to meaningfully live my part of life. If at all education from these elite institutes should have to make them nokardaar of best of the organisations or inculcate ability to make basic questions to the prevailing social norms, break them, and rebuild them again. By working in any MNC, my responsibility of building the larger challenges of society ends? Even if I forget these stupid fundoo questions, I again go back to emerging life of a 22 year old guy who has just passed out and put his first step out in this jaalim duniya. More than what he is sure, there are long list of things he is absolutely not sure of. This age has its own demands; he’s simultaneously looking forward for a partner to share all this chaos. Even having gone through best of the institutes, still the protagonist of this story is not equipped with raw material to deal with this dynamic situation. More so when most of his batchmates are succumbing to usual pressures and getting ‘settled’ in their life.. I don’t expect everything to be ideal, as I am becoming ‘old’ and pragmatic. (Slowly the ‘system’ takes over you ;)) that this is how it would go and I have to be prepared to face this. I have begun to understand how these forces play and make me to lose myself. I can maybe share these experiences with as many of them as possible and togetherly carry out this liberation.

Rabindranath Tagore’s poem is truly inspirational especially written for youths who are stepping into duniyadari after protected years in family and college:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been broken up

into fragments by narrow domestic walls;

Where words come out from the depth of the truth;

Where tireless striving stretches its arm towards perfection;

Where clear stream of reason

has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;

Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action..

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

पत्र..

स्वत्व नवऱ्यामध्ये विसर्जित न करता एकमेकांशी माणूसपणाचं नातं जपणाऱ्या एका स्वतंत्र विचारांच्या आधुनिक तरुणीने रेखाटलेलं तिच्या जोडीदाराचं चित्र... (महाराष्ट्र टाइंम्स - ९ मार्च २०१२ )

........

हे प्रिय,

बऱ्याच दिवसांनंतर मी तुझ्याशी लिखित स्वरूपात बोलते आहे. तुझ्यापासून दूर होते तेव्हा तुझ्याशी होणारा संवाद, प्रेम, राग, शंका-कुशंका सगळं सगळं डायरीत लिहून काढायचे. एकत्र राहायला लागल्यावर थेट तुझ्याशीच बोलायला लागले. तरीही काहीतरी उरतंच... लिहिण्यासाठी....

अजूनही एसटीमधली आपली पहिली भेट आठवते. दिवाळीची तोबा गदीर्. फक्त तुझ्याशेजारीची जागा रिकामी. मी बसणार तेवढ्यात तू माझ्याकडे तिरक्या नजरेने त्यावर विरजण टाकलंस, 'इथला माणूस खाली उतरला आहे. तो आला तर मी उठणार नाही. तुम्हाला उठावं लागेल.' तुझ्या या खडूस निक्षूनपणाचा रागच आला. एका मुलीशी (तेही इतक्या सुंदर!) बोलण्याची किती कठोर आणि उद्धट पद्धत वाटली मला. 'तो उतरलेला माणूस आला तर आपण उठायचंच नाही. होईल ते होईल,' असा विचार करून मी बसले. तो 'उतरलेला माणूस' काही परत आला नाही आणि बसप्रवासाबरोबर आपल्या आयुष्याच्या सहप्रवासाचीही सुरुवात झाली. या प्रवासात बरंच काही घडलं. मुली कशा असतात, मुले कशी असतात यावर आपला झालेला वाद, रात्री रस्त्यात एक रॉकेलच्या ट्रकचं पुलावरून खाली पडणं, तू जखमींना वाचविण्यासाठी अंधारात उतरणं, तुझी बस चुकणं, माझं कंडक्टर व प्रवाशांशी भांडण, तुला शोधण्यासाठी परत अपघातस्थळी पळत येणं, दोघांनी बराच अंतर पुढे गेलेली बस पळत पळत पकडणं, तुझे रक्ताने माखलेले कपडे पाहून सगळयांकडून कौतुक वगैरे. तू जखमींना वाचविण्यासाठी विचार न करता एकटाच उतरलास. त्याचवेळी तू माझ्या मनात घर केलंस. म्हटलं...'चांगला माणूस आहे.'

मैत्री वाढत गेली. 'मैत्रीपलीकडच्या' नात्याचा दोघांनाही मागमूस लागला. मी निर्धास्त. तुझा फोन, 'आपलं नातं मैत्रीपलीकडे जात आहे. माझ्या घरी खूप पारंपरिक वातावरण आहे. मला तुला फसवायचं नाही. खोट्या आशेवर ठेवायचं नाही. आजपासून आपला संपर्क बंद.' याहीवेळी तू आवडलास. तुझ्या स्पष्टपणामुळे तुझ्याबद्दलचा आदर वाढला. अगदी 'आता आपण एकमेकांशिवाय राहू शकत नाही' इथपर्यंत.

खरंतर प्रेम, लग्न अशा गोष्टी मी स्वत:च्या आयुष्यात गृहीत धरलेल्या नव्हत्या. लहानपणापासून आई-वडील, भाऊ-वहिनी या नात्यांपासून ते आजूबाजूचे अनेक संसार होरपळलेले पाहिले होते. तर्र दारू पिऊन येणारे नवरे, दिवसभर शेतात राबून रात्री नवऱ्याच्या लाथा खाणाऱ्या बायका, भेदरलेली, रडणारी लेकरे हे सर्व अनुभवलं होतं...मग नकोच ते लग्न.

पण तुझ्याशी जुळलेलं नातं मात्र जैविक झालं.

तुझ्याशी मैत्री हा सहजयोग असला तरी पुढील वाटचाल सोपी नव्हती. मी तथाकथित 'खिशात नाही दाणा, अन् पाटील म्हणा' अशा जातकुळीत जन्मलेली. वडील सुशिक्षित. आयुष्यातले सगळे निर्णय घेण्याची परवानगी, फक्त लग्न सोडून. मला जातपात मानणं कधीच मान्य नव्हतं. त्यामुळे तुझ्याबद्दलचा निर्णय मी घेऊ शकत होते. तरीही त्यांनी टाकलेला 'विश्वास,' माझ्यासाठी घेतलेले कष्ट, माझं अवकाश धुंडाळण्यासाठी दिलेले प्रोत्साहन व संधी, पाहिलेली स्वप्ने हे सगळं सगळं विस्कटणार होतं.

माझ्या आईवडिलांनी त्यांच्या माझ्यावरील 'विश्वासाची' परत परत आठवण करून दिली. आत्महत्या करण्याच्या धमकीपर्यंत प्रकरण गेलं. दोघेही भावनिक झालो. क्षणभरच. तू तर जाहीरच केलं. 'लग्न करेन तर हिच्याशीच.' तुझ्यातला हा ठामपणा मला अनपेक्षितच होता खरा. आता लग्न करण्याशिवाय पर्याय नाही या निर्णयापर्यंत आलो.

असं म्हणतात की 'खरी समानता मानणारा पुरुष' घरातल्यांशी वागताना कळतो. तुझं स्वयंपाक बनविणं, स्वत:चे कपडे धुणं (बऱ्याचदा माझेही), चहा बनविणं, भांडी घासणं, माझ्याशी मित्रासारखं (बऱ्याचदा मित्रापलिकडचं) वागणं या सर्व गोष्टी तू इतर लोकांसमोर, नातेवाईक, मित्र मैत्रिणी यांच्यासमोर करतोस म्हणून मला तू 'ढोंगी' वाटत नाहीस. आपलं नातं गावी राहणाऱ्या तुझ्या नातेवाईकांनी स्वीकारल्यावर साडी, मंगळसूत्र यांचा प्रश्ान् आलाच होता. ती जबाबदारी मी पूर्णपणे तुझ्यावर टाकलेली. 'तिला घालायचं नाही तर ती घालणार नाही. तिला कोणी जबरदस्ती करू नका,' अशी ठाम पण कठोर भूमिका तू लीलया पेललीस. तुझ्या वडिलांनी आयुष्यभराच्या पुंजीतून बांधलेल्या घराच्या वास्तुशांतीच्या पूजेला बसण्यास मी दिलेल्या नकारामुळे निर्माण झालेली नात्यातील तेढ व वादळ तूच शमवलंस. तेही मला दोष न देता. मी माझं नाव बदललं नाही. तुझ्या ध्यानीमनीही हा मुद्दा नाही. घर, लाईट बिल, पाणी बिल दोघांच्या नावावर केलंस. होणारं अपत्यही दोघांच्या नावावर. तुझ्यासाठी नवीन असणाऱ्या विचारांवर तू विचार केलास. पटल्यावरच स्वत: अंगिकारलंस व इतरांना विचार बदलण्यासाठी प्रेरणा दिलीस.

तुझ्यासोबतच्या सहजीवनातली व माझ्या आयुष्यातला महत्त्वाचा कप्पा असलेली एक महत्त्वाची गोष्ट, जिचा उल्लेख करायलाच हवा ती म्हणजे आपले शरीरसंबंध. अगदी लहानपणापासून स्वत:च्या लैंगिक अवयवांना, स्वत:तल्या लैंगिकतेला इतकं झाकून ठेवलेलं की मी आयुष्यात कधी कुणाशी शरीराने जवळ येईन असा विचारही करवत नव्हता. शिवाय 'नवरा' कशा पद्धतीनं 'बायकोच्या' शरीराला ओरबाडून 'बलात्कार' करत असतो. याची अनेक उदाहरणे ऐकलेली, पाहिलेली असल्याने मला माझ्या आयुष्यात तो भागच नसावा अशीच माझी इच्छा. पण, तू मात्र अगदी हळुवारपणे, प्रेमाने, तुझ्या स्पर्शाने, आधी दोन मने मग दोन शरीरे एकत्रित आल्याने होणाऱ्या उत्कट आनंदाची मला ओळख करून दिली. बिनसलेल्या, लादलेल्या जबरदस्तीच्या रात्रींमुळे विस्कटलेले संसार पाहिले की मला तुझा अभिमान वाटतो. तुझ्यामुळे मी तुझ्याच नव्हे तर माझ्याही शरीरावर प्रेम करायला शिकले.

खरंतर तू भेटण्याअगोदरही मी आनंदी होते, तुझ्याशिवाय. आता मात्र तुझ्याशिवाय जगण्याची कल्पना करवत नाही. आपल्याकडे लग्न झाल्यावर 'मुलीची' कशी पटकन 'बाई' होते. तिला अंतर्बाह्य बदलावं लागतं. किती प्रकारच्या नको असणाऱ्या तडजोडी औपचारिकपणे करत, घुसमट आयुष्य काढावं लागतं. मी मात्र यातल्या कोणत्याच गोष्टी न करता मोकळा श्वास घेत आयुष्य जगतेय. लग्न किंवा 'चांगला' जोडीदार मिळणं हा जुगार आहे. असं म्हणतात. मला तर 'जॅकपॉट' लागलाय.

( हे सर्व 'पुरुष म्हणून करतोसय म्हणून तू 'विशेष' आहेस असं नाही. तर तुझ्यातला 'संवेदनशील' माणूस तू जिवंत ठेवलास म्हणून तुझं कौतुक).

तुझ्या वारंवार प्रेमात पडणारी (खरं तर प्रेमातच असणारी).

- लक्ष्मी

1084, 1084 ki maa and nandini

What is common between: eunuch, conversing with a gentleman in 11 pm in night, I used to pass by on Tilak bridge while walking past matunga to dadar for my 12^th classes, commercial sex workers roaming around and attracting men at the fort, mumbai and dead body of a1084 numbered naxalite – for me they represent that part of us which we disguise not only because they represent the DON’Ts of socially acceptable behaviors but also probably out of envy in not being able to ‘experience’ the other side of us that’s stifled out of fear of being rejected in society..? I am longing to be with them, to know them as they are, to understand why they chose to be?

Read Hazar Chaurasavi ki Maa by Mahashweta Devi.. as always thanks to Ranoo, for recommending me this book - not only recommending but putting a copy in my hand. A small book of 130 pages talks about a naxalite as a protagonist, strongly putting forward two images of India – one consumerists and other exploratory, experimenting, concerned, revolutionary, at times cynical..

I fell in love with character of Vrati. Seemingly indifferent to begin with, but as the story unfolds came to know the deepness within him. He chose life out-of-ordinary and was killed as 1084 numbered naxalite. He supported his mother, Sujata, who has been staunch in her own beliefs as an independent and confident woman but put those out - first out of family pressure and then due to indifference out of mundane life. Her husband is typical; dominant, unscrupulous, having many relations out of marriage, flamboyant .. Vrati’s other 3 siblings are more or less like his father; only Vrati, his mother and their maid Hem are different. With such a small piece of novel and few words only someone of caliber of Mahashweta Devi could have made it so impactful.

Seeing the trajectory of life chosen by Vrati and his love Nandini - the reasons behind their choices of revolutionary path they have chosen, the idealism in early twenties, how it gets shaken by some of vested interests.. There is reference in the book saying in 1970s there was time, when generation of youths between 16 to 40 in Bengal and around has been almost wiped out after being killed by police. These two and their like-minded friends were compared with their siblings who are consumed by their consumerists lifestyles lost without any aim, however outwardly successful – What an irony!

Frankly I am not capable to understand Sujata with my maturity and understanding. I felt like she is majorly biographical portrait of Mahashweta Devi in her 50s and also culmination of many of those women who were sensible enough to live a life having their say but got lost somewhere.. There are many subtle layers to her characters effortlessly and completely elaborated by Mahashweta Devi with minimum words and incidences. Unlike her I could relate with Vrati and Nandini as they are about my age. I guess I would require 3 more decades atleast to understand her.

I was so much moved by the impact created on me by the book alone, I enquired to know more about Mahashweta Devi. Thanks to Google, I could know her from her Magsaysay award declaration. She was a professor of English literature, married early and took divorce. She spent later part of her life in doing social activism, choosing to be among tribals and oppressed class forming their federations. She wrote books depicting their struggles. Thus the books did not remain as fictions alone but have been portrayed as stories of unsung heroes. Reading her entire life story was an experience..

I couldn’t resist myself from seeing the film by one of my favorites filmmaker, Govind Nihalani. I downloaded 12 sets of 10 minutes versions from youtube and watched it! Looking the genre of book, someone out-of-ordinary like him could have directed it with this fineness. I am mostly a man of films than books, you can say I prefer 2D over 1D ( and not 3D). Having read the book first, I was so curious to relate to characters from book to that of films! I knew what was going to happen after that.., their conversation, dialogues. I wondered how it would have been, had I watched film without reading the book or have read after watching film.. No doubt, the film made justice to the script, the sensitivity of the issue. The film is so subtle, multi-layered. What I find good - in a good film is that director leaves many of the things to the audience to interpret; many of conversations do not happen with only dialogues as medium but also gestures and postures..much is said when actually left unsaid. Govind Nihalani, being a cinematographer turned director, the simple yet meaningful frames of the film makes it a wonderful experience. There couldn’t have been a better climax, where Sujata is sitting in her room and writing diary reminiscing his son Vrati with a dim light partially lightening her face and coupled with simple yet meaningful dialogues. I simply wished I could have cried to express myself! Govind is like my alter ego – if I turn to film-making I would do it after being a cinematographer and would probably follow same genre of films.

Sujata by Jaya Bhaduri is aptly performed with the required emotions, intensity as portrayed in book. I understood her as detached person describing two opposite worlds; that of her husband and son with her own inclination towards later. She has not expressed herself by own but more through Vrati and Nandini –that’s the beauty of characters! No doubt, Jaya Bhaduri played it well, but don’t know why she doesn’t touch me beyond a limit, she still keeps it close to rationale and maybe incapacitated to touch out-there.

Sujata ponders after meeting Nandini: Something has died inside Nandini. Will she never become normal again? Never be a wife? Never be a mother? From the light on the road, human beings, each and every part of this land – she loved. That person would never become mother? And one who can’t tolerate a child, changes men in life one after another, need cocaine after wine, goes places without any aim – those mothers in their loveless, careless life would give birth to children! ‘What a wastage!’

Joy Sengupta is awesome! I loved him and was beyond ‘joy’ seeing him playing a marvelous character like Vrati. Well, it’s a dream to be enacting a character like Vrati who is effervescent yet deep. He looks terrifically handsome, 20 year old idealistic, caring, matured, intelligent guy. I am remembered of Naseeruddin, Om Puri, Irrfan Khan seeing him. I wondered where is he lost after this. He has lot to offer. I longed to be like him..

Sujata remembered Vrati saying: It’s difficult to be yourself..

Nandini, Vrati’s love – was brought to life by Nandita Das. Both she and Joy are tailor-made for their roles. She not only represented her part but put forward the idealism, frustrations, hope, helplessness of the entire generation which opted of guns in their hands instead of a secured future. It’s convincing enough. Her face, body was in absolute resonance with what she was saying. She said all that Vrati was undergoing in front of his mother but couldn’t convey her when he was alive, growing to be a man from a boy. I loved these three characters; Sujata, Vrati and Nandini from the book and the way they were given life in film.

Nandini after released from jail after inhuman torture says to Sujata: I find myself agitated, disturbed and imbalanced. All seem unknown, un-identified. I cannot identify myself with anybody. With last few years experiences have made me unfit for this so-called-normalcy. What you feel as normal, seems abnormal to me.. what shall I do, tell me..?

The climax is not there in book. The book although ends on many questions, intensity, leaving you perturbed; the film ends with a very positive message. The end where Sujata is writing her diary addressing Vrati, was a tribute from a common man to people like Vrati, who live their life not shortened by duration it was lived, but for their madness - finding meaning out of it, for a personal commitment.

Thanks so much Mahashweta Devi and Govind Nihalani..and... Ranoo and Youtube!

Irom Sharmila's Poem

When life comes to its end
You, please transport
My lifeless body
Place it on the soil of Father Koubru

To reduce my dead body
To cinders amidst the flames
Chopping it with axe and spade
Fills my mind with revulsion

The outer cover is sure to dry out
Let it rot under the ground
Let it be of some use to future generations
Let it transform into ore in the mine

I'll spread the fragrance of peace
From Kanglei, my birthplace
In the ages to come
It will spread all over the world.

-lrom Sharmila

Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara – Part 2

Some of my well-wishers say - Its hightime man for you to have worked for last 8 years after your graduation. You should take a break and do some course; it could be development economics, development studies or agriculture. ( Smart enough for not proposing me to do studies in chemical engineering – which I would rather enjoy more after a span of 6 years) With two strong experiences of working in chemical industry after completing my graduation in engineering and not finding much correlation between my studies and my work (Rather I would put it differently that as much as I am able to put the relevance of my study and my work together) and largely in Pradan, where there is hardly any correlation between what I studied as a subject and what I am doing – who would still think that it is relevant to study further! I was wondering how would be it be, if there would be no higher education after graduation. All further studies would have to be carried out on-job as per one’s inclination! So a strict no for ‘higher’ studies. Education has ruined me enough to survive, henceforth let education be another enterprise.

If I could take up options of studying further what courses would I choose: Travelling, Films and Dancing. How about degrees like M. Trav., M. Fil (eqivalant to M. Phil.) or Ph. D. (Dancing)! And all these courses being offered in different institutes.

I want to go for a trekking by associating with Nehru Institute of Mountaineering (NIM). While I surfed the site, I found Basic Course on Mountaineering and Adventure Course interesting and suitable for my initial curiosity and excitement.

I want to do a Film Appreciation Course at Film and Television Institute of India (FTII), Pune which is scheduled every year in May month. Getting admission there is very tough, but what’s wrong in dreaming so..

While doing my graduation we were a couple of guys and gals participated in Gyrations out of blue, absolutely not knowing that we would enjoy so much leave apart the prize we won. I was wondering then, looking at the life of other adults around except film stars – how bad it would be after leaving college, we would never be able to dance except the marriage ceremonies. Why to live in memories? - I am keeping my fingers crossed if Patya, Ashu, me, Samya, Banya, Ratta, Chassy, Mangya could come together and give a public performance once again. Dear Readers, I promise, we aren’t that bad! Patya, are you reading this!?

When I joined company soon after my graduation, on first day I met one of our college seniors in his mid thirties saying those four years of graduation including the hostel life were best – I lived only for those four years! I was so taken aback – would my life be like this when I will be of his age.. I don’t think anyone deserves life to be like that. Kya pata Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara!

I will keep on posting my progress as I complete my Masters and PhDs in times ahead. Till then you are free to pull my leg and inspire me to seriously pursue my higher studies..

A visit to Sahyadri School, Pune

(A Krishnamurti Foundation India School)

25th-26th February 2011

On 25-26th February 2011, I visited Sahyadri School, Rajgurunagar (Pune) affiliated to Krishnamurti Foundation India (KFI) Schools. Famous Rishi Valley School was the first among the series of the schools founded by KFI. Sahyadri School is based on a beautiful hillock of Sahyadri ranges. Bike travel from Pune to Rajgurunagar was an amazing experience.. Following is an attempt to put down my interaction with people I met during the stay. Its a must experience for all those who have slightest lethargy towards mainstream primary education methodology. I am thankful to all associated with Sahyadri School for having given me this wonderful opportunity to explore..

The high point of my visit was meeting Clifford, Madhav and Aditya. In the late afternoon, when I was returning to room after spending time with Amresh Sir, Prabhat Sir; one boy standing outside the common room with a gentle smile and a very special inviting gesture inquired how my day has been? In a place where you are stranger, shying away from meeting new people inspite of having so many questions in your mind. Such an open-ended, inquisitive question made me relieved even before replying to Clifford. We again met but didn’t speak while we were going towards Ashtanchal (During sunset students and teachers dressed in white cloths gather at a spot where they can watch sunset.) There is something magical about Clifford that was difficult to figure out in such a short span of time..

After returning from Asthanchal, (a routine practice where all the students and staff dressed in white kurta-pyjama, at the time of sunset go to a point, from where they can watch sunset - to be with close association with nature and self) I saw Aditya and Madhav coming together with a pack of fruits to distribute in their dormitory. Aditya was forthcoming and articulative, Madhav was speaking after fathoming from deep inside silently and clearly. They were to appear for the 10^th board exam scheduled from 28^th February 2011. There were reminiscing about past 5 - 6 years spent in School. We learn with teachers as not our authority but also learning together with us. Some of our questions, even teachers cant answer there itself, we find out answers together. If we are studying pin of a box (showing the example of a box comprising of fruits put in front of us), then we not only study the pins but the entire box. Our focus is not on mugging up what we study but learning the basics and deriving from there - that is how we are encouraged to learn. They are confident, approachable, listened me patiently, comfortable with their being, adding on to each other- supporting each other, well-brought out kids who are much matured of their age. When they arrived they thought it would not be as interesting journey as it happened. They would try to go to another KFI schools for 11^th and 12^th. Aditya would like to do his engineering from IIT – he came out as confident of appearing for JEE because he like science and he has experiences of conducing science practical in innovative ways. Madhav wants to pursue commerce after 10^th because he find stock exchange, share dealings attractive. However he said he is not fully clear what he wants to become. They referred life several times when they spoke! At times, they find lectures by J. Krishnamurti boring. It is not necessary that since he is the founder of our school, we should listen to his speech and follow him up. I saw them being naughty with their dorm teacher, asking him silly questions and he replying them in child-like manner. When I was sitting in common room, one said that when exams were introduced in 9^th, I was told by my parents that if you don’t study well, you would be brought back from Sahyadri School. It was too much than to be studying for exams!

I saw one of an interesting theatre workshop which revolved around trust. It was participatory. After initial discussions, trust evolved as a value - children formed subgroups and enacted how they would show trust by mime. It was interesting how creatively these children came up with showing trust. I was reminded of a faculty who said that at times we underestimate how capable children are..

I felt as if it is an ideal part of world from the rest of the cosmos – where things are happening as perfect as they could be. The most impressive was meeting children – compared to mainstream students they are much more matured, and in sync with themselves. Whatever I had read about Krishnamurti’s writing, even with a brief interaction, I could see that in reality with 3 children I met.

The school is what it is because of the brilliant and committed teachers it has. If quality education has to be imparted to masses then there is no alternative to competent staff working at the grassroot - a principle same as that of Pradan. But the question is how many such competent teachers/development practitioners do we have at country's disposal!? How to extend the best of the practices to the common mass is the biggest mystery yet unsolved..

Gouri, Amrita and..

I am fascinated by lives of Gouri Deshpande and Amrita Pritam. As like every man’s fantasy to be a 'husband' of an interesting woman, I would rather want to be Teruo of Gouri’s and Imroz of Amrita’s. A solace outside their established, standardised set of principles generally termed as marriage. Ever since I’ve come to know them, I am amazed to realise the clarity of thought they achieved and guts it entailed to follow in what they believed.

If I idolise these relationships and still want to be little practical in not going against tide, then what conclusions can I draw out of their lives. One is that being just a friend always works with whom you share your life, on other side taking up the roles of husband or wife over the individual self does not work:( One can take this as an extreme selfishness, but what Gouri or Amrita wanted at the end of the day - was to express themselves completely- which is so difficult otherwise.

I also try to look from Teruo’s or Imroz’s point of view. How he must have felt to be able to be with such strong women. Who gave and who received among them and what? I know it’s a typical question coming out of my patriarchal mind-set, where man is supposed to be strong and his woman is expected to carry his tantrums above all. How a man must be feeling to be at receiving end!! :)

I consider myself as one among ‘mango people’, trapped in some questions of life, constantly moving up and down, getting happy and unhappy with successes and failures. Unlike these ladies.. They questioned each and every norm put by society. I can’t imagine the amount of energy they must have had, so as to undergo opposition against all. I count their spiritual clarity is as much as that of Sri Sri Ravishankar or Dalai Lama. They are of equal magnitude but on opposite sides. Dalai Lama has enough chances to get a Nobel Peace but not to Gouri-Amrita, as it is not awarded to someone who established peace within oneself (and also to us by allowing us to go through their lives, how much we could learn and earn out of it), but to those who showered peace on 'others'. I would like to start a foundation giving awards to such men-women, anybody with funds to build in corpus?

How have they helped me building as a person. Reading them at first, made me go my head upside down. I found everything written, controversial?? Some of the questions rose against present societal order; especially between man-woman relationships were not as contemporarily practiced. I thought they are very selfish, what matters to them is their own needs. They are unnecessarily questioning the social fabric, which being right, running successfully all over! Had I not come across experiences in and around my own life, it was quiet impossible to relate with what is being written by them. One fine day, when you brush with the reality, things falling separately under you come together, and that collage convince you the necessary existence of Gouri-Amrita! When realised, it helped me to be non-judgmental towards looking at incidences, people. And also to question every norm, before I follow it or reject it.

Earlier, I had always afraid of divorce and to the worst out-of-marriage relationship!! How could one fall back out of marriage, it’s such an auspicious institution(!). But today I believe, like any other break-offs between parents-sons, girlfriend-boyfriends, two friends, why can’t it happen between husband and wife. Out-of-marriage relationship could have a friend outside ‘marriage’. I can accept that today, yeah it’s possible because it’s so natural! I know if I re-write this piece over period of times, my views would have further changed, hopefully more evolved than before!

Most of our energies have so far gone to curb what could be just natural, decent and so much important.